Let the healing begin

Dateline: Georgia

Mega F. Rita today made the bold decision to shave her legs for the first time since the Thanksgiving incident which ended her relationship which He Who Must Not Be Named, also known as "the fucktard."

The move inspired heated responses from various parts of her body. Core muscles and gluteals were quoted declaring, "about damn time! can we go back to the gym now, you bonbon-stuffing slug?" Meg's hair sighed, "Hooray for grooming, woman! Can we get some attention, now, please?" Toenails were overheard grumbling that "no one takes care of us anymore. Just because it's winter doesn't mean we don't need love."

The legs, however, were less pleased with the development. Representatives for the legs offered up a short statement for reporters:

"The legs feel betrayed. Dr. Rita has certainly gone a week without grooming them before--I mean, she's not a complete hairy beast--but this considerable stretch of fuzzy time was perceived by my clients as a verbal agreement that the shaving was over. For good. They are cold, they feel burned, and they want nothing more to do with an individual named Daisy."

There was no comment from the legs themselves, who were seen shivering in down parkas and frantically dumping Cetaphil over their heads.