Never discuss politics at the dinner table
I have no idea why I'm so blog happy this weekend. Probably a side-effect of feeling burnt out from work. From being back at work for one week. Burnt. Bah.Went out to a rather trendy club in the ATL last night--TROIS. It was a wonderful fusiony place, which you nearly never get around here. Age diverse, racially diverse, and lots of not too expensive foofoo cocktails. Awesome!
My friend A. and I settled in around 9 next to a table of fellows. After a bit, one of them came over and used the "so what's your porn name?" line to start conversation. (I find this one curiously effective, likely because I'm fascinated by funny names. Just a tip to you fellows out there.) We ended up chatting with the guy--whose porn name sounded like a weatherman--for a while, and then his friend came over. And then we started talking about Iraq.
I realized a few things. One, there are different sorts of debators in this world. Some seek conquest, some love to argue, and some care.I was talking to one who seemed to care and who was courteous in his arguments. I'm much more of a manipulator/Socratic. I ask questions rather than trying to score points. It keeps my head from exploding. A. and her fellow, on the other hand, were literally screaming at each other at one point. To give A. some credit, she knows her shit. To detract from her, she yells and tells people they're stupid. This was unsettling. Deeply.
Two, I must have been raised to avoid most arguments, or else I really hate confrontation, which is likely. I will say that I was glad to know that the boy I was talking to was conservative, but not to a fault. I enjoy knowing about people. I was not, however, psyched to be at the table with the girl who yells and called a boy--a stupid boy, to be sure, given what I overheard--an idiot. Argh. I blame my third cocktail on this dilemma: what to do with a good friend who has no manners? Or what to do about the fact that I have no guts? Hard to say.
Labels: cowardly etiquette
posted by Megarita @ 10:11 AM
10 Comments:
I never engage in these conversations, because I get too worked up and can't form a logical thought, plus I hate conflict, too. The last time that someone said something to me that made me uncomfortable, I literally plugged my ears and started going, "la la la la la."
I am not one you should ask for advice. That is, if you want to act like a grown-up.
I seem to be a person who loves to argue. I don't talk politics anymore...especially after a few drinks. I'd rather talk about the mundane...like which superpower would you most like to have?
I avoid political discussions at all costs--it's much easier to go about blithely assuming that everyone I interact with agrees with me. If it does come up, I make a Seinfeld or Arrested Development reference to change the subject.
No politics, religion or money talk at dinner. I know, I don't help.
MG!--No, I'm with you. I went completely into disengagement. But I do think some people get off on arguing. Loudly. Sigh...
Chimmy--Yeah, there's lively discussion and then there's the shouting...
JB--I'm using that henceforth. But what about when the arguer is on your team? Is there a quote? If so, please pass along. I feel certain I'll be going out with this girl again.
MA--raised by wolves, people are!
My approach is to drink more, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. This is one of those times when I lurrrve being the wingwoman; you have the mutual disgust of your friend's behavior to discuss with another.
In sum, let the record show that I obviously have no advice.
I used to enjoy a good political discussion. Then I graduated from college and actually worked in politics. At that point my job was to be right, so I became that dick that ripped other people's arguments apart (hey, it was my vocation). Then I started my effort to be a pointy-headed intellectual. By then I stopped advocatiing for anything and simply looked at the big picture...this also translates to realizing there is generally nothing to be gained from a political disucssion other than one person trying to inflate their own ego and another person either being ground down to nothing or being impressed by that other person outsized ego. That understanding can also translate to "I have lost my passion."
Last thing and I'l shut up...wasn't it Basil St. John?
Kris--I enjoy the mutual disgust as much as the next girl, but I was also pissed to find that yet another one of my friends 'round here might be a complete loon. It's getting crowded!
Cliffy--Ihope you're wrong about political discussion; it speaks poorly of our hopes for a successful democracy. But Basil St. John (awwww, you do listen!) was my aristocrat name, I believe. My porn name is something awful, like Sweetie Liberty. Gah...
Don't forget, dear Megarita, that you're a Libra. Diplomacy is your forte, not cudgeling your opponent with words and calling it a healthy debate. And A. should understand that one can never be too smart for good manners.
I was agreeing with you...hating the competitive type of discussion. That's just immensely boring to me.
I find it usually goes with a "quoter" personality. Or with a fact spewer. Am I close?
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