Stinky, redux

I left my apartment yesterday and ran into a group of three guys right next to my door who were leaning against my car and gasping for air. Thankfully, I was wearing my professorial gear--namely my uniform of turtleneck sweater, short skirt, boots, and long camelhair coat paired with hair in a bun and sunglasses--and could at least look threatening.

Hahahaha this is perfect!

After they gasped, "good morning" I realized that these fellows worked for my rental company. I think I must have lit up like a beacon, and I chirped, "Are you here to get rid of my bad smell?"

After uttering these words, I became unnecessarily tickled by the phrase and had to bite the inside of my lip to prevent myself from breaking into Beavis laughter. I have experience in this kind of containment, because I had to do it whenever I spoke to my unfortunately-named dentist in Turtle Town, Dr. Ho. So, I'm still a 10 year old. But I'm a prepubescent with a degree, bitches!

While I was desperately trying to contain my giggle-fit, the three stooges were nodding sagely and asserting that they were indeed here about the smell. They pointed behind them to a storage space used by a law firm in town, and said, "it stinks in there."

I demurred, saying, "it smells like a small, fuzzy creature met his bitter end in my wall."

Again, the elder stooge nodded sagely. "Smells like something dead all right, but it's water. That lawyer fellow's got standing water in there that's taken a turn." Other two stooges nod frantically and look back at the perilous swamp from which they had emerged before my door opened.

[Geek side note: my first response to this news was "oh no! all his briefs and papers will be irreparably damaged by the water and the moisture! we must warn him!" Second response was, "what's his name, because I sure as hell don't want him to represent me."]

Hilarious picture of a rather fey lawyer from the UK.
This is how I imagine my moist lawyer neighbor.
Note how he is throwing away paper.

So there is no dead thing in my wall. It's idiot lawyer sweat, or something.

Meow! I told you, fool! I'm not dead!