Super Duper Man

I went to see Superman last night with a few friends. Right off the bat, let me express my undying devotion to the comic book movie as a genre. That being said, I miss Christopher Reeve. Yet, this was a fine film.

The problem was that it was ALMOST THREE HOURS LONG. And there were only three action sequences. This results in an excess of Super Soul Searching (don't care), as well as Superman's Super Stalking, Super Sickness, Super Spirituality Similes, and Super Stealing Another Man's Woman. It's a bad idea to offer a row of snarky people access to a three hour movie and then not keep them completely occupied with action for the entire time. Needless to say, there was some whispering and snickering, even though we all liked the damn film. Some comments from the peanut gallery (might be a spoiler or two...can't remember):

*(first, from the trailers) "Sweet! New Spiderman! Sweet! Venom!? SUPER SWEET!" "Are you sure you're a woman?"
*"Why do the cows have male voices?" "Thank you! The udders, too, are a real distraction from their masculinity." "Oh, they molt those once they hit puberty." "Wait, what?"
*(now, from the feature) "Is that Guy Pierce?" "I don't care who he is; he's no Superman." "Yeah, so says Lois, too."
*"I think Superman shopped for boots at the Matrix Shop with Neo."
*"Wait. Isn't that all made of kryptonite? How is he still flying?"
*"Good. I hope she dies."
*"She's Super Slutty."
*"Let Super kid do it!"
*"You know, if you're going to defy the laws of physics, at least be consistent about it."
*"I would like to hear more from the cannibalistic shitzu."
*"That is the smoothest man I've ever seen. Is he CGI?"
*"I love how Lex has such international henchmen. It feels so uncommercial this way."
*"Superman's new outfit is a bit low-rise!" "Yeah, and he has a huge package."

And then the Thai restaurant we hit after the show had dozens of screens scattered around the dining area--pictures of puppies were being projected throughout the meal. Time between spying the puppy porn in a Thai restaurant and the first inappropriate joke about whether said pups were on the menu? Approximately 2.5 seconds.