The land of my people, or, D(GC)UI

I graduated from high school in a town that was planned. You know the type--bike paths, whimsical street names, the works. It was located in the south, too, so there were a LOAD of golf courses. As a result, there were many golf carts. It was, as it turns out, a deadly combination. I just caught this in the local rag--delicious.

"The top administrator for Overly Planned Community's government was arrested Friday night on alcohol-related charges while operating a golf cart.

Overly Planned Community police arrested city manager Drinky McDrinkster on charges of driving under the influence of alcohol, open container of alcohol and possessing alcohol in the park after a concert given by Washed-Up-But-Talented-Musicians-Who-Deserve-a-Better- Venue-Than-the-Local-Amphitheater.

A police incident report states Drinky was operating a golf cart and carrying a glass of wine at the time of his arrest about 11 p.m. [That, my friend, is how we roll in Overly Planned Community. Slow and steady so as not to spill the vino.] The report states Drinky refused to take a state-administered breath test to determine his level of intoxication."

What I want to see is the O.J. Simpson-speed chase scene that took place when Drinky tried to avoid taking his breath test. Were the cops on foot? Were they in their own super-charged cart? Were tiny pencils thrown?